my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
