Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
