I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
