apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
