mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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