Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
