I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
