Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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