walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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