I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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