I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
