At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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