So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
