He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the day after is always just damage control
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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