i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
