I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
