You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
