Say something about gay babies.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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