is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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