good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
