when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
