Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
