We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize