it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
