Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
