Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
