listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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