Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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