Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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