I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
