She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
