this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
