Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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