This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize