saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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