If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
