shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
