i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
