he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
