Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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