i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
