By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
