you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
