Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
