how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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