He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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