Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
