i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
