Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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