You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
