Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
