I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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