it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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