I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
