If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
