I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
