If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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