Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Congratulations! We have a period
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