I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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