I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
