easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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