i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
