Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
