She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
